an alternative future
To the best of my recollection I was about eight years old, when I had my first inkling of an artistic leaning, a tendency that a took hold and occasions earned valued kudos. Art, the application of, in varying forms, had defined who I was, at least until I was seventeen when career considerations swayed me from my art passion towards an alternative course of study and ultimately a design based profession. Rather like discovering a jewel I was captivated, and unwittingly duped by the seeming sparkle of interior design.
The would be artist withered back as the suckers of design rooted and established. Interior design has dominated for the past 38 years. A raft of experiences, a contrasting mix of reward, satisfaction, abuse and misery. I had with masterful self deception suppressed my true vocation only to veer off with forlorn ambitions along this spectacular 'designer' path.
Recently, the past three years, in the midst of a most dramatic, season of unavoidable harsh, destructive circumstances, I was seemingly done for, spent, burnt out, kaput...Frail and fearful, although not mindfully seeking sanctuary, I arrived at that long lost place within, the jilted realm of a seventeen year old, again I had an inkling this time not a leaning more of a leap of the edge.
'An alternative future'. In reflection, for nearly two score years, I have towed a heavy sense of disappointment, have these years been wasted, or is it reasonable to value the past experiences as positive influences upon my return to exploring art? Regardless, return I must, that's an absolute; 'must' and so, despite an overwhelming sense of selfish irresponsibility, I am compelled to once again tread an art driven path.
This journey has begun.